coming out of the drawer…

so ya guy (that’s me) recently returned home from my summer in the great and expensive northeast and in the process of returning home and unpacking, i randomly decided to clean out the bottom drawer of my nightstand (because i really hate unpacking)…you know the one you only look into every 4 – 5 months or when the top drawer inconveniently runs out of something very important that, in the moment you are hoping like hell somehow made its way into that bottom drawer…there were a couple things that had been in there for years that i didn’t really need but thought someone else probably could’ve used…while quickly completing this mindless exercise i was reminded of a recent conversation i had about relationship ironies…it’s the little tricks the universe continues to play on us…you know like the:

boy 1 meets girl 1…

boy 1 likes girl 1…just not as much as boy 1 likes girl 2…

girl 2 entertains boy 1 but really likes boy 2…

while boy 2 likes boy 1/girl 3…

and so on…(i’ll give you a second while you chart that out)

we’ve all been there…and might actually be resting there right now…looking through your phone and re-noticing that there’s someone that seems to call every 37 minutes while the name you were really hoping to see on the caller id always seems to show up 37 minutes before you were about to tell them to go (explicit term for sexy time)-off…they pour just enough hopeful juice to get them removed from the “go (explicit term for sexy time)-off” list…just in time to keep you tucked safely inside the bottom nightstand drawer of their lives…

while on the surface this only seems mildly problematic, it’s the ripple effect that has us here at ubf a wee bit concerned…these scenarios have left us with a surplus of the faux single…this confused bunch of “likers” who are waiting for the one who supplies their stomachs with butterflies to also be the one that supplies them with some consistent matching attention…and while they wait, they remain emotionally unavailable to any perspective suitors…folding those suitors up and tucking them off into their very own bottom nightstand drawers…it’s what we in the industry like to call the “nightstand cycle”…catchy and innovative…i know…

now to the  $43 question…how can we empty out these drawers and give their former inhabitants a second lease on love…and the simple answer is…wait for it…wait for it…we can’t….you read that right…there is actually some things that even “those guys” can’t write away…you see, the 15 foot ethernet cord, the motorola timeport 2 way pager and various other inanimate objects that have been camped out in my drawer (apparently since 2002) really had no choice but to be there until i decided to remove them…although we tend to sit around and wait on the “likee” to show up and relieve us of our bottom drawer guarding duties,  the reality is they’ve probably already forgotten we are down there…

so…it’s your choice…you can remain in there…waiting to catch the wayward jolly stick cozy…and whatever else is in that top drawer…ooor…

elrock…i tell it like it is and you tell it how it might be…


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

2 Responses to coming out of the drawer…

  1. ... says:


    You hit the nail right on the head!

    You’ve observed one of the greatest paradoxes of the human condition.

    “Don’t nobody want nobody who want them!” as Chris Rock so eloquently put it.

    If we did, what would be the fun in that, right?

  2. Tiffany says:

    You got me…I thought this blog was gonna be about when a chick asks for her own drawer…but then again, I think y’all already did a blog post about that.

    I tend to keep things forever…you got me giving my “bottom drawer” the side eye.

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