some more stuff that we love but you don’t…

so yesterday we looked at how video games were probably keeping your boyfriend from doing a wide range of other dangerous/stupid ish, but in hindsight there are actually a few more of men’s favorite things that should also be removed from the “girlfriend’s most hated” list…

of course these are all assumed to be in moderation…

– watching sports – in my mind i’m the greatest average basketball player ever…at 6’8” that earns you a couple tag along championship rings and a cool few million a la adam morrison…however, at 6’0” that earns you a spot on the bench in your living room…so for the love of powder white baby jesus can i please enjoy my athletic mediocrity in peace…

– watching porn – what exactly is the problem with a fella sitting back to enjoy the dynamic dialogue and riveting plots of baby got back volume 52…i am actually doing this as a favor for you… i know you had a rough day at work and you expelled all of your energy explaining to me in excruciating detail how much you hate every last one of your co-workers…so rest peacefully…once i’m done here i’ll check the scene for shrapnel and come straight to bed i promise…and you won’t have to deal with that irritatingly consistent tap on your lower back…well at least not until the morning…

– gentlemen’s clubs…the only people that don’t want us touching the ladies more than you are the big ill tempered bouncers…oh yeah…and the ladies once our money is gone…which is usually pretty quick because those table dance songs only have 1.2 verses…but she’s just saving you from having to do all of that pesky foreplay when i get home…

– strip clubs (yes there is a difference…a huge difference)…so now i don’t have to sit on my hands…and she’s punking you into high fiving her left cheek…while she is also spouting off the price list for those other services…which are surprisingly affordable…and i may be checking to see exactly how much cash i have on me…on second thought…let’s just forget i brought this one up…

– acting jealous…as long as this jealous act doesn’t lead to any physical altercations or leave you chained to any heavy inanimate objects in the basement, it should be ok…these jealous acts are just our way of showing you how much we appreciate being the absolute center of your universe…

– guys weekends…there’s the way that you imagine it and then there’s the way it usually plays out…and believe me, we all just wish that our reality could sniff the debauchery your imagination cooked up…if you found out what really happened you’d send me back out again next weekend to redeem myself…

so what say you ladies…can we finally get clemency for my friends listed above…fellows, are there any items that i left off..

elrock…who else wants some of hollywood cole…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

5 Responses to some more stuff that we love but you don’t…

  1. Tolu says:

    (1) watching sports: as long as we have a tv remote credit card exchange each time. If I cannot have the credit card, I’m going to the mall anyway–with the remote in my purse.

    (2) watching porn: as long as you respect the his, hers, joint, stashes like you respect ther his, hers, joint bank accounts, yes, you can have this one.

    (3) gentlemen’s club, strip clubs (fuck that, aint no difference): sure, you can go–but I’m going with you.

    (4) acting jealous: long as you’re not hiding in bushes in the parking lot at my job with a spiked bat, yes you can have this one, jealousy is kinda cute

    (5) guys weekends:: hell no!

  2. tblack2008 says:

    Ok…you got me..what’s the difference between a gentleman’s club and a strip club? More importantly, can I come?

    • my apologies…didn’t meant to leave yall dangling in the wind…the basic concept is the same…there’s music playing and some young lady removing garments to get herself through such & such state university…the major difference is what you’re allowed to do and how closely it’s policed…here i use gentlemen’s clubs to describe the spots where you literally have to sit on your hands during lap dances vs. strip clubs where sometimes it gets so real you have to go home and shower in your clothes and avoid touching your face with your own hand for weeks…

  3. lemsky says:

    i actually don’t HATE any of these. i think happy people (typically) have happy relationships. there is little worse than a woman who wants to control her man…sooo not sexy.

    1) you want to watch the game? cool. i want the house to myself to listen to (old) whitney houston while i clean…WITHOUT you following directly behind me and leaving your dirty dish in the sink, geez!
    2) eh, not for me, but you accept certain realities. choose your battles, ladies.
    3) and 4 (I just had the pleasure of experiencing the difference… #3 bored me to death. *sigh*) do you as long as you bring home all the pent-up sexual energy.
    5) can’t say i’ve ever paid that much attention. i’d imagine you all’s “manly” tantrums are cute.
    6) oh, PLEASE take yours, b/c i WILL take mine. again, as long as you bring home all of that pent-up sexual energy from a weekend of “making sure you still got it,” i’m great!

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