yes I am simple…it is as simple as that…

Blame the media…or the lack of good gangsta rap…or the start of another work week…or some other random reason of your choosing…but I feel like starting a little blog beef so bear with me…

Side Note: By no means does the following imply that ubf supports blog on blog crime.

Today I came across our homie over at for single girls latest post.  I highly recommend you going to check it out or else the following may not make much sense. My apologies for the extra reading today but consider it back to school reading…it won’t matter come September either.

So as you read (or didn’t and expect me to summarize for you), fsg disputes the concept that men are simple. Well based on extensive knowledge gained through my lifetime membership in the club, I’m here to point out why she is wrong and in fact prove men are truly simple.

For starters, let us agree on what we are arguing: men are simple. Agreed? Cool.

Let the debate begin.

With that said, by no means am I saying men are easy…mature…unselfish…smart…considerate…understandable…consistent…effortless…not difficult…transparent…untroublesome…or any other synonyms you and your troop (yes that was a girl scouts reference…this is a battle) have substituted for simple. Unless you luck out and find a refined gentleman, like one of those avid ubf readers, you are probably not going to find a man that has that entire list. Sorry. But as a consolation prize, you will have a simple man on your hands. Now what does that mean?

It means no Edwin isn’t going to call Katrina to tell her he isn’t going to call her anymore. Exactly. As witnessed by the green underlining as I typed that, it doesn’t even make sense to Microsoft Word. The minute you talk to a man’s voicemail on consecutive attempts to reach him that span more than let’s say 72 hours it is safe to assume you can move on, because he has. Not simple enough for you? Hmmm. Let’s try this. If you find yourself in a dating scenario with a man, the minute you begin to question “Why hasn’t he called me?” then it is time to move on. Worst case scenario, he was busy giving his AB Negative blood, feeding the less fortunate, volunteering at the local fire department, rescuing kittens from trees, and whatever pipedream you sold yourself, so he’ll call you back when he is done. Meanwhile back in the reality scenario, he’s out with the new girl telling her stories about this girl (you) who just isn’t getting that he isn’t in to her. Now revisit the initial statement we agreed upon. Men are simple. Yes we are.

Now on to the point of figuring men out, there in lies your problem. You will not figure us out. As fsg admitted, men are only simple to other men. Why is that? Because we don’t try to figure each other out. Why does elrock not like large breasts? I have no idea as the size of breasts is akin to money in my book…more is a good thing. However, I don’t try to diagnose him or his preference. I accept it at face value. Above C cup and I have no competition. Simple.

Now to fsg’s other point of combining logic and emotion. As a woman, I’m sure that makes sense (another below the belt hit for those scoring at home). However, that is the same as combining professional black athletes and successful black women. They just don’t go together. I kid. But logic and emotion have never been in the same room so you bringing them both not only doesn’t make sense in our simple minds but causes us to lose track of which we should be following: logic or emotion. Logic is the easier path as it tends to be linear. Emotion is more of free-flowing beast that doesn’t make any sense. While I understand that not taking out the trash when I told you I would is going to upset you, I can’t quite wrap my mind around you becoming upset because I didn’t tell you how beautiful you look with that new haircut, new blouse, 5 lbs you lost or what other intricate detail I missed thanks to preseason football. All I know is I have a fantasy draft tomorrow and I need to identify some sleepers. Easy no. Simple yes.

Lastly, fsg points to our use of “vague and ambiguous” language. A scientist once argued that 93% of human (not just male) communication comes from body language and the other 7% is attributed to actual words. With this in mind, if you are basing your “relationship” status on that 7% of communication you receive via sporadic text messages lacking any actual body language (or said another way, actual in person quality time), then I’d venture to transparently share with you that his message to you is fairly loud and clear. Or shall we say…simple.

onetrik…aka mr. that just happened…

Advertisements

About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

8 Responses to yes I am simple…it is as simple as that…

  1. tolu says:

    hahahaha, love it!

    but still calling “bullshit!” bro.

    (1) So, can we just call it what it really is? “Different!” Men and women are just different. That’s all really. Different doesn’t have to mean that either one is any better, or worse, easier, or harder than the other, it just means “not the same.” The “men are simple” meme is nothing but a behavioral perception gender bias (in favor of men) and all it does is helps perpetuate the social construct that white-male-heterosexual behavior is normative and that anything other than that is not. As a racial minority, I’m sure you can appreciate this. Much in the same why “black culture” or “homosexuality” is demonized as “deviant” or “complicated”, “stupid”, “inferior”, etc , it’s only so because it’s “different.” The reason why you all think your behavior is “simple” or normal is because men get to define what normal is in our culture so by default men get to be “simple” and women are stuck with the “complicated” label. But you don’t see that do you? Of course not. Because you are a man and you don’t have to see it from any other perspective other than your own. I not only call bullshit, I also call male-privilege ***For the record, I hate to take this out of the lighthearted context in which we blog, but don’t make me get all Alice Walker on you bro, you know I will***

    (2) To declare that “Yes we (men) are simple!” is to invalidate our experience. “Men are simple” is just a catchy, repetitive slogan which has no basis in truth. No, you’re not! (if life were that easy, sarah palin would be president) “Simple” is not how we women experience you. Get over it!!! Yes, you are a man. And so what? You don’t get the final word on men are just ’cause you’re a guy. You’re a heterosexual male who’s never dated or slept with a man. It’s impossible for you to experience a man the way we (women and homosexual men) experience men. So, sorry, but your experience with menis limited to your heterosexual same sex encounters with men (i.e. work, friendship, etc.) The moment you become intimate with a man in the way that we do, we can rehash this thing…until then….

    (3) Men always blog, discuss, advise, etc us that you are “simple” and unfortunately, no one is served by it. In my opinion, it actually works to both our disadvantage. Because of this misconception, women are unable to fully meet your needs (in a relationship) because we are led to believe that all you care about is food and sex and video games and other simple shit and I beg to differ. You folks are quite complicated. You have emotions. You just channel them differently. And then you complain to each other and use each other as sounding boards when we step on your toes or say/do something to emasculate you. We rarely do this out of malice, we do it because we simply don’t know better and no one tells us better (which admittedly was the main purpose of the post, i.e. to put women in a place where they can read men better because what we’ve been doing ain’t working). I think it behooves members of both sexes to learn the in’s and out’s of the opposite sex’s needs, likes, dislikes, gender-specific idiosyncrasies, and methods of communication so we can get along better.

    (4) Wait, what? “Simple” does not mean “easy” or “understandable” or “consistent” or “effortless” or “not difficult” or “transparent” or “untroublesome”? Then what the hell does it mean? Ahem, nice try. I call bullshit on that one too. Have they redefined the word? I didn’t get the memo on that one. Send it, and I’ll provide my rebuttal to it. Better yet, why don’t you tell me what you are. Maybe this will help.

    (5) As for this: “As fsg admitted, men are only simple to other men. Why is that? Because we don’t try to figure each other out.” Bullshit!!! You don’t have to figure each other out because you speak the same language. Like i said in the post, you’re all indoctrinated into the same way of thinking. Honey, you and i both know that behavior is learned. From childhood you guys are conditioned to do this, don’t do that, say this, say that, etc. the same way girls/women are conditioned to be the way we are. Very clever. Nice try.

    (6) Men don’t succeed at inventing shit, fantasy football, conquering nations, handling multibillion dollar accounts, or taming tigers by not paying attention to detail. Of course you noticed our haircut. Please! You either didn’t say anything because you wanted to avoid conflict (because you don’t like it) or you simply don’t know what to say. But you saw it.

    (7) As per logic v. emotion. Very clever, but i call bullshit again! The opposite of logical behavior is not emotional behavior, the opposite of logical behavior is il-logical behavior. Are you saying that “emotional” = “illogical”? I hope not because i’m going to have to demand a recount on how you arrived at that one. Emotion neither negates nor undermines logic. The two can and oftentimes do coexist. Emotions include fear, anger, joy, sadness, etc. If you come to my house with a snake around your neck, and i jump back because I’m frightened (fear), does that mean i’m being illogical or irrational? Me thinks not.

    (7) Communication is ninety-three percent (93%) body language and seven percent (7%) verbal? Bullshit!!! That didn’t sound funny to you? Well, it sounded funny to me.:

    Per wiki:: Body language is a form of non-verbal communication, which consists of body posture, gestures, facial expressions, and eye movements. Humans send and interpret such signals subconsciously. Borg attests that human communication consists of 93 percent body language and paralinguistic cues, while only 7% of communication consists of words themselves]; however, Albert Mehrabian, the researcher whose 1960s work is the source of these statistics, has stated that this is a misunderstanding of the findings (see Misinterpretation of Mehrabian’s rule). Others assert that “Research has suggested that between 60 and 70 percent of all meaning is derived from nonverbal behavior.

    Yeah. 60-70% sounds more like it, which I’m sure is arguable too. I can provide a more reputable source or a more convincing data that the 93%–7% rule is not the case, but just knowing that the “rule” is oftentimes misused and misinterpreted is sufficient for now. (Besides, it’s not my job to do your homework for you. You said it, so you back it up.) I don’t care what the “experts” say, body language doesn’t let you off the communication hook. The same way you guys complain that women pout and don’t say what we mean, your non-verbal communication is equally confusing to us. Women can’t hear what men don’t say, and again, if we’re not meeting your needs, it’s your own fault.

    (8) Now, let fsg make a little prediction: you and I are probably going to reach a stalemate on this one. Why? Because naturally, we’re both convinced that we’re right, and neither of us will budge unless you can provide sufficient, believable evidence contrary to my assertion that “Men are not simple.”

    p.s. …I’m here all week
    p.p.s. ‘preciate the plug

    (f.s.g.)

    • I’ll start with the end in mind by agreeing that we may just not agree on this one. However, I’ll entertain the back and forth a little longer to see what others have to say on the issue. [Others – that is your cue to chime in]

      1) I agree that I don’t see it. I think you are bucketing simple and normal together where I wouldn’t equate the two. Men are simple in our thinking. That is all I’m saying. It is the reason more men get caught doing dumb stuff than women. Men are simple-minded and focused at times which translates to dumb stuff. I’d much rather get on your “It’s a racial issues” bandwagon but unfortunately I have to save that card for another day.
      2) So I don’t get the final word on men but I would say my word counts slightly more than someone lacking the necessary hardware to be considered a man. Using your logic (not emotion which I appreciate on this issue), I’d be able to speak about women because I have experienced (so) many of them. I’d be the last to ever make the claim. Women (like guys) are all different and you can’t just apply sweeping generalizations which can probably kill this whole debate now…but what would be the fun in that. We’ll proceed.
      3) I agree that learning about each other would help all of us in the end. But I still have to say if a woman interested in meeting my needs checks off those simple boxes then I’m good. I complain to my homeboys about my sports team or my lack of luck in Vegas. I can’t recall the last time I complained about a woman stepping on my toes. Now we definitely share a few stories about women trying to “get” us but that is purely entertainment and not meant as a therapy session.
      4) Consider this your memo. Simple doesn’t mean any of those things. Simple refers to our mindset. While no doubt there are exceptions to the rule, most men are simple minded and singularly focused at any given time. We don’t have the time or interest in trying to multi-task multiple motives. The lack of being easy or not difficult makes it harder on you to figure out that motive but it doesn’t complicate the motive.
      5) We won’t agree on this one. Yes I agree men speak the same language. However, I’ve never in any of my male interactions felt the need to understand why they do the things they do and there is where we are different. Instead of taking it as what it is and storing it in your mental database, you want to know why he is the way he is. I don’t because frankly I don’t care. Simple.
      6) If she cut off 6 or more inches. Yes I noticed. If it was highlights, I’m probably going to need the right lighting. As men climb whatever ladder they are climbing (e.g. corporate), we quickly learn that being a leader doesn’t necessarily involve knowing all the details. The folks at the bottom of ladder are responsible for the details and making sure they aren’t forgotten. Not the top. And fantasy football is as much luck as details. I’m sad to admit that as I spend 3 hours tonight doing research but it is true. Wish me luck.
      7a) I never said logic and emotion were opposites. The opposite of logical is your argument. Just kidding. Well partially. I’m saying that the two don’t go together. I took a class on logic in college offered in the engineering department. I’m pretty sure any class on emotion is not only not in the same curriculum but in an entirely different department and school. I never took one of those as you can see. Now they can co-exist but you can’t use both to explain a situation or to deduce a conclusion. Your emotions don’t have to be logical. Your logic tends to lack emotion. The best of both worlds is probably ideal but you know how often ideal happens.
      7b) This was more for grins and giggles but I appreciate your research. My point here is just because you don’t like the non-verbal clues he is sending, that doesn’t mean he isn’t sending them. Every woman I’ve ever been interested in knew it. I make sure that she does. If you question it, then you may want to consider dating other people because I am. Simple.
      8) Now let’s let the people decide who is right. I’m placing my vote that men will agree with me. Some women will agree with you and others will agree with me. Making me the winner winner chicken dinner.

      onetrik

      P.S. this is fun…we should do it again…

  2. tolu says:

    Like you, I’m going to start at the end and say that whether men or women agree with either of us doesn’t make either one of us any more or any less correct in our assertion. Just makes it more popular. Just wanted to throw that in there just in case this turns into a philosophical debate “won” based on popularity. (although I admit that I too am curious of what others think on the issue, although it ultimately doesn’t matter.

    1) @ onetrik: “I agree that I don’t see it.” that’s all I can ask for. However, [@ onetrik: “I think you are bucketing simple and normal together where I wouldn’t equate the two.”] Nope, you misread that. What I was saying is: what’s considered normative behavior is automatically and by default considered to be “simple” or “easy” when it’s not. Your thinking/behavior is “simple to you” because it’s easily justifiable—by you. Similarly, women will consider our behavior “simple” because it’s easily justifiable to us doesn’t matter whether it’s based primarily in logic or emotion. Does logic follow some linear progression? Sometimes. But it doesn’t mean that two people thinking logically will always arrive at the same conclusion. If this were the case, all the staff and faculty of the philosoohy department at every university will be out of a job. @ onetrik: “Men are simple in our thinking. That is all I’m saying. It is the reason more men get caught doing dumb stuff than women. Men are simple-minded and focused at times which translates to dumb stuff.” Again, I think reducing male thinking/behavior to “simple” does a disservice to men and your support for this (“that’s why we get caught doing stupid shit”) is not in the least robust or convincing. Is it is possible that you guys get caught more than women simply because women tend to have more invested in personal relationships or because you all put less resources into catching women doing dumb stuff (which we obviously are not above doing) than we put into catching you. Your logic in how you arrived at that one might be flawed. But you get a pass since you’re so simple and you were unable to conceive of any alternative explanation other than the ones men constantly repeat over and over as a justification as to why men are simple (sarcasm and why leaning on “men are simple” is nothing to boast or be proud of. You’re obviously a smart guy and I wont insult you by buying into the idea the you are too “simple in your thinking to think past the obvious.) @onetrik: “I’d much rather get on your ‘It’s a racial issues’ bandwagon but unfortunately I have to save that card for another day.” I’ll leave that one alone lest I be charged with giving an answer consistent with alleging victimhood which was not my intent. My intent was to get you to put the whole in context. As a man and member of the dominant culture, you have the privilege of defining what simple is. I was trying to analogize that to being black (since you obviously know what that feels like).

    2) @onetrik: “So I don’t get the final word on men but I would say my word counts slightly more than someone lacking the necessary hardware to be considered a man.” Glad you can admit the first part but I’d have to dispute the latter. What one “is” is hardly ever a unilateral decision. Male/female interaction is by nature a bi-directional phenomenon. How you perceive yourself to be is just as important as how others perceive you. So yes, @ onetrik: “Using your logic…I’d be able to speak about women because I have experienced (so) many of them”, you may. I don’t claim to have a monopoly on the female experience because I don’t date women. I haven’t seen the range of female stupidity in relationships. You would be a better judge of that because you have. For the most part, “men are simple” means that “in relation to women, men are more simple than women” or “men are simple and women are not.” I would venture to guess that women are not simple (a) because I am one and (b) because based on what my guy friends tell me about how they experience women, it’s a bit of a challenge. @ onetrik: “Women (like guys) are all different and you can’t just apply sweeping generalizations which can probably kill this whole debate now…” Really? “Men are simple” is itself a generalization. Everything we do here in the business of blogging about relationships is based on generalization. That doesn’t make any of the points addressed here or elsewhere any less valid. Anyone can comment accurately on the collective experience of any group or subgroup and it’s understood that the generalized statement doesn’t apply to some members of the group. Ultimately, just because I lack a penis doesn’t mean that my observations are without merit or that how I perceive the results of your actions is any less valuable than how you perceive your intention.

    3) @onetrik: “I agree that learning about each other would help all of us in the end. But I still have to say if a woman interested in meeting my needs checks off those simple boxes then I’m good. [bullshit, I don’t believe you! But I can’t prove it, so I wont belabor it.] I complain to my homeboys about my sports team or my lack of luck in Vegas. I can’t recall the last time I complained about a woman stepping on my toes. Now we definitely share a few stories about women trying to “get” us but that is purely entertainment and not meant as a therapy session. [I don’t believe this either. Men do it, the process is a lot more subtler than the way women do it. Again, goes back to my original point that men & women are just different. By the way, ever read Askmen.com or the advice column in Esquire or GQ? It’s the same damn thing it’s done differently (more subtle and more discreetly) in male culture because it’s a violation of all kinds of man codes to publicly or obviously ask for help. Another feature of the male culture that’s never talked about but certainly there but allows you to neatly sweep this behavior under the rug and claim, “We’re simple!” Whatever!]

    4) @ onetrik: “Simple doesn’t mean any of those things. Simple refers to our mindset. While no doubt there are exceptions to the rule, most men are simple minded and singularly focused at any given time. We don’t have the time or interest in trying to multi-task multiple motives.” I know of more men who can successfully date two women that I know of women who can date two men. Doesn’t get anymore “multitasking” than that.

    5) @onetrik: “Yes I agree men speak the same language. However, I’ve never in any of my male interactions felt the need to understand why they do the things they do … because frankly I don’t care.” Duh, because you’re not trying to fuck them! You do try to understand that right. You’re comparing apples to oranges here. No need to argue that point further.

    6) @onetrik: “If she cut off 6 or more inches. Yes I noticed. If it was highlights, I’m probably going to need the right lighting.” No need to argue this one, we obviously agree that to some degree, you notice. My point was made here and I’m satisfied.

    7a) @onetrik: “I never said logic and emotion were opposites..now they can co-exist but you can’t use both to explain a situation or to deduce a conclusion.” First of all, says who? Secondly, my original reference to logic and emotion was: “We are all, composed of both logic and emotion. [are you refuting this?] As a result, to a degree, we are all complicated creatures. [are you refuting this?] ]However, if you ask me, ultimately, women are indeed the more “simple” sex because we are more transparent. [or, you refuting this?]” I don’t really see how your point that “logic and emotion don’t go together addresses any of what I said here on the subject. Maybe you can clarify, because I don’t see how what you said rebuts any of what I said. My bottom line is this: women can express themselves using logic (when the situation calls for it) and they can express themselves using emotion (when the situation calls for it) but men do not express themselves emotionally and this places us at a disadvantage because we are able to articulate how we feel when we are displeased with you and you all (generalization ) cannot or do not and you express yourselves in a way that’s more harmful or destructive to the relationship instead of communicating it the way we do.

    7b) @onetrik: “[J]ust because you don’t like the non-verbal clues he is sending, that doesn’t mean he isn’t sending them.” I agree on this point and if you read my blog at all, I always express how important it is for women to read in between the lines because oftentimes men can send conflicting messages or outright lie and what they say verbally is not enough to go on. I don’t think this issue is in dispute. But riddle me this: does not asking a woman to rely on signals and body language when verbal cues are more effective and readily available “complicate” things? How does this point buttress your main point that men are simple? Sorry, but I don’t see it and for all your verbal and intellectual gymnastics on the issue, you have yet to demonstrate in any real way how men simple or “simple minded.” You’ve attempted to rationalize away some of your behavior as simple when in all honesty, looking at it objectively, I find it hard to believe that you really see any of this behavior as simple. Again, I’m going to have to fall back on my initial assumption that perhaps you see it as “simple” because to you, it’s normal which is fair. It’s difficult for anyone to observe themselves outside of themselves. Likewise, I could very well be complicating something that needs no complicating (but I seriously doubt it)

    8) @ onetrik: “Now let’s let the people decide who is right. I’m placing my vote that men will agree with me. Some women will agree with you and others will agree with me. Making me the winner winner chicken dinner.” Hahahahaa, love you guys, still have mad love for yall and never intended to turn this into an all out war or beef, but I’ll be Nas and you get to be Jay-Z. Deal?

    p.s. …still here all week.

    fsg..across the belly…i proved you lost already!

    • In the interest of delaying my carpal tunnel, I’m going to end this chapter on that note. I’m simple enough to let you have the last word.

      As you know, we still have mad love for you as well. I appreciate the break from the norm and offering a chance to debate. I’m going to pass on being Jigga Man though.

  3. tolu says:

    Oh, good. I was getting tired. Besides, I hate fighting in front of the kids.

    p.s. In the spirit of having the last word, i’ll be jay and simply say this: Eighty-five to ninety percent of the time when i read yall’s posts “I put my hand on my heart…that means I feel you . Real recognize real and yall looking familiar.” That said, peep this if you ever get a chance: http://hugoschwyzer.net/2009/09/14/men-are-simple-women-are-complicated-another-corollary-to-the-myth-of-male-weakness/

    peace!

  4. Lynne says:

    Uhhh…the sheer length of this blog (and your responses to the comments) got your make believe simplicity card revoked…
    And let’s not forget you also referenced and required us read a blog from another blogger, who JUST SO HAPPENED TO reference another blog that was just as long as the two original.

    If you want to stick with your theory of simple, go right ahead. But no one is buying it. :)

  5. Pingback: straight up…no chasers… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

  6. Pingback: easy like sunday morning… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: