signs that you might be the one…

hey you…love hunter…up there in that single tree…all camouflaged up in your leopard dresses and tiger striped undies…trying to track down that illusive meaningful relationship…we all know that this dating game is tricky…but remember, we’re experts and all of our joy is harvested on the knowledge that some of our love challenged readers may someday find themselves frolicking freely in some public park eating organic fruits while listening to the smooth sounds of esperanza spalding staring longingly into each others eyes afraid to blink because you don’t want to miss a second of your significant others existence…or something like that…we’d like to provide a few clues that you can use to determine if you might actually be getting closer to that relationship you’ve been tracking for a few weeks/months/years (i’m pretty sure that last one is technically called stalking and there are probably legal documents to that effect)…

– let’s start petty basic here for those crazy stalker types…he actually notices you, speaks to you and consistently addresses you by some mutually agreed upon name…

– you receive compliments on things that serve little to no value in a vigorous lust cuddle…you’re getting warmer…

– he starts to ask for and listen to your opinion (must be a matching pair) for matters other than what’s for dinner…he’s open to advice on things in his life that have absolutely nothing to do with you…

– you meet the friends…and not because of some happenstance encounter with them at a justin bieber concert that he didn’t invite you to…he actually sets up something for the sole purpose of introducing you to the people that reside in his facebook albums….

– you meet the family…once again, this can not be by chance…not because you had to drop by to retrieve the half used travel tube of crest as sunday dinner was commencing…if you are lucky enough to be invited to dinner sans toothpaste, be weary of mothers and sisters…if they turn on you, winning may be next to impossible…winning the dad is easy…he’s just happy to have a perky-er set of chest candies around…

a word of caution…if you haven’t met the friends or the family you are definitely not in…however just because you’ve met them also doesn’t mean you should start subscribing to modern bride catalogues…in addition…unless his co-workers are also his friends, meeting them means the same as meeting his favorite polo style shirt…next to nothing…

– he stops seriously asking you to hook him up with your friends…but of course it does not count if he’s already been through them all…

– he doesn’t booby trap his iphone when he goes into the shower…now it’s up to you to not be dumb enough to go through it…

– he hears you say something you don’t like and changes it…it could be something as simple as how he trims his mustache (sorry onetrik) or what types of shirts to wear to how often he hangs with the boys…the key here is how many times you have to ask…there’s a big difference between him responding to a single casual request to make you happy vs. responding to a series of intense gripe sessions just to shut you up…but the fact that he stayed through the gripe sessions could mean something as well…ooh wait…after consulting with the judges we realized it most likely means that he just hasn’t found your replacement yet…

– almost forgot the most important one…he actually ask you to wear his lettermans jacket or ring or whatever you youngsters are exchanging these days…

as always, approach these things with extreme caution…don’t let us catch you treating this list like a game of relationship bingo…happy hunting…

elrock…the relationship whisperer…

Advertisements

About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

4 Responses to signs that you might be the one…

  1. lemsky says:

    this is soooo on-point. i try to make it a habit NOT to comment, but this one is dead-on! the KEY signifier of one’s “in” status is meeting significant people in boy’s life. until that happens….

    thanks again for light-hearted, comedic real-talk.

    :)

  2. morningjoi says:

    but remember, we’re experts and all of our joy is harvested on the knowledge that some of our love challenged readers may someday find themselves frolicking freely in some public park eating organic fruits while listening to the smooth sounds of esperanza spalding staring longingly into each others eyes afraid to blink because you don’t want to miss a second of your significant others existence

    I wanted to copy & paste this section to make sure that sentence is as long as I thought it was.

    Good list!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: