is that really cheating…

i read somewhere (after i wrote it here) that 67% of all relationships will encounter some sort infidelity…if you believe that stat (which you probably shouldn’t) the likelihood of you finding yourself asking for answers or begging for forgiveness at some point in your life are fairly high…there has been a great deal of debate around what actually causes cheating but not as much about what it actually is…yeah we all know it includes whatever you were doing before your visitor had to grab all of their clothes and hide out on the fire escape when your spouse arrived at home unexpectedly…but those are the most blatant cases…there has to be some build up that leads to that poor man/lady dropping their underwear and dignity over that cold rail…so the question is when does the cheating actually occur…i’ve seen/heard the lines drawn in a few different places…

1 – let’s start with the easy one… if you’re currently doing intercourse-ish stuff…even that bill clinton kind…with someone other than your mate, it’s probably a fair assumption that your intercourse equipment might be in danger…this assumes of course that your mate is not there participating or holding the camera…

2 – kissing in the mouth…i.e. giving cpr to a person who does not need resuscitating…not quite in the pool but you’re definitely bouncing on the diving board…but is that close enough…

3 – the moment you have advertent inappropriate contact…but i think you should get a pass if what you’re touching has a price tag of $10, is on a stage with a pole and only last for 1 or 2 songs…

4 – the moment you seriously consider stepping out on your current mate…this is definitely an excursion into the land of gray…although this is a dangerous place , no real action has occurred…so no harm no foul right…

5 – anytime you’re doing something that you would not do in front of your mate…it’s the “see if i still got it” night or the “one drink from a nice gentleman won’t hurt right” ladies night out…is it ok if you really have no intention of taking it further than just getting throw away digits or a little affirmation that your milkshake still has boys teeter tottering and pushing swings…

6 – when you establish an emotional connection with a new someone…this one has been labeled the worst of all because it can’t be linked to some liquor induced lapse in judgment…you have actually been putting work into building a meaningful relationship with another person…tsk tsk…but it’s also one of the toughest to verify due to the lack of physical evidence/activity…so…is it really wrong…

of course there are a myriad of overlaps that are possible…but let’s just try to use the 6 above as a guide…now i could give you the answer, but what fun would that be…so what say you ubf crew…where has the line been drawn in your current/past relationships…where will it be drawn for you going forward…

elrock…the all powerful oz’s understudy…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

11 Responses to is that really cheating…

  1. Ms Double Standard:) says:

    Are.u.f.k.m.??? I recently caught my now ex-boyfriend with another woman… cheating is when you’re doing anything your mate would not approve of… like getting another person’s number & talking with them on the phone, hanging out with another person, lying, & sexing… cause here’s the problem, all that innocent stuff eventually leads to something else… guarantee… so… that 67% number is probably accurate- by my definition… happy cheating everyone.. ha ha…

    • well…umm…there you have it i suppose…the line is apparently scribbled through the entire list…that kinda sucks ms. d.s….does that mean you’ll be looking to eliminate one of those standards…

  2. tolu says:

    here’s a simple rule: if she/he/your spouse/s.o didn’t see it, it didn’t happen. Right? Because ultimately, you’re only guilty of what you got caught doing or what you actually admit to and if you’re sloppy enough to get caught or foolish enough to admit, then consciously or subconsciously you wanted out anyway. This line of reasoning practically obviates any kind of questioning as to what constitutes cheating in my book as it has no real significance if it has no real consequence .

    However, from a philosophical standpoint, if the cheater, for his/her own edification wishes to know what constitutes cheating, i’d go with number 5 above, or anything your mate considers cheating, because even if your mate is silly, unreasonable, and has stringent standards of what they consider inappropriate behavior, for whatever reason, you chose that mate and when you choose them, you have to accept all their quirks, including what THEY consider cheating.

    ok, ive said enough.

    you’re welcome!

    • i almost reached for my dictionary…definitely surprised to see the entire first paragraph leaked from a woman’s pen…if i knew that was the rule, i may not have stayed single so long…

      • tolu says:

        I know. It’s a pretty unconventional view, especially for a woman. But let’s be real. If you’ve ever been cheated on, which i have, several times, one feeling begins to resonate with you, “Man, i wish i didn’t know because know i’m all f’d up mentally. If i didn’t know, i wouldnt be mad.”

        I’ve also been on the other end of the equation as a cheater and I’ve stupid confessed and once you realize the pain you cause another person, you go “Wow, what the hell did i do that for?”–not the cheating (i obviously had my reasons); the telling, that’s the f’d up part. So it becomes plain: if you didnt see it, it didnt happen! In relationships (not individual, but overall), cheating is inevitable. So in that context, why punish ourselves or others by admitting to it. Truth is totally overrated in my view as the truth, whole truth, and nothing but the truth is unattainable, so why go snooping around for bad stuff only to be disappointed. Masochist much??? It’s a bad idea.

        I know the obvious answer is “well just stop cheating!” But that’s not going to happen now is it? Most people are selfish and self-centered and oftentimes more concerned with having their needs met first. As long as that’s our reality, there will be cheating, deception, corruption, and etc. To believe otherwise would mean that you believe in a utopia and to believe that such a thing exists or could exist makes you a moron. Don’t worry (too much) be happy. That’s my motto..

  3. Ms Double Standard:) says:

    Actually, I like that he feels guilty about it… he was always so judgmental of everyone else… anyway, maybe one day… I will tell him that I’ve been ‘cheating’ all along & I actually liked it… but like Tolu implied… it’s just something about getting caught… cuz if you catch someone cheating, you have to act hurt or you’ll get found out :))

  4. TT says:

    Cheating is in fact whatever your mate won’t stand for, for the most part. Men typically try to convince their women that she’s insecure when they actually are cheating, so the lines tend to get blurred. But for me, If it makes me feel a certain kind of way inside, you’re cheating.

    I agree with the “what you don’t know won’t hurt you” mindset. I too have been the cheater and the cheatee…of course I’ve never been caught (most women don’t). I used to tend to cheat when everything was going well in my relationship. It was just easier to do when I was happy. I really don’t have any particular reason for it other than I like men.

    But I’m growed up now. My last relationship ended for several reasons, one of which was cheating…but I actually wasn’t hurt. I was so mad that fool actually played me! My ego couldn’t take it. Needless to say, I bowed out of that one.

    Eventually however, we should grow out of cheating. It simply takes too much energy! I’d rather take a nap.

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