it’s all fun and games until…

have you ever looked back on an event in your life and wonder “what the hell was i thinking”…that’s pretty much how i spend my entire monday morning…but i really felt like i couldn’t be the only one whose brain gets caught sleeping on the job…actually i know i’m not because some of the stories below don’t belong to me…but here are a “few” ideas that seemed like winners when they arrived, but upon further review…had their blue ribbons revoked…

– drunk dialing/texting…your best hope is that whatever you said or sent was too incoherent to be anything more than hilarious…but it’s just your luck that the only things they were able to make out were “i love you” and “we belong together”…

– that first shot of patron…it always starts there and the next thing you know, you’re being yanked from your awesome mechanical bull by some belligerent cops…and that’s because your mechanical bull was actually

their police horse which you are not authorized to operate…

– fellows – sleeping with “her”…every man has slept with a woman that he will never admit to…now you’re laying there trying to convince yourself that it was a bad dream… that your totem will continue to spin forever…but then you see it toppling and now you have to escape without waking the beast…praying that yall didn’t exchange numbers and swearing off of patron…again…

– ladies – sleeping with “him”…you fell for his poetic promises of love making…he convinced you that he would show you places within yourself scientist had yet to discover…2 minutes and 37 seconds later you are realizing that your mandigo had a man”dingy” that never actually reached your shores…as he slumbers you’re trying to figure out how many pumps actually gets him included in the official “how many people have you slept with” conversation…the correct answer is 3…you lose…

– dating a stripper…i know you thought you weren’t the jealous type but there’s something about seeing your lady breast deliver glitter to another man’s face while he’s “daniel-san”ing her pre-greased back side that kinda pushes you over the edge a little..

– hosting an hour long nationally televised special to publicly ish on some of your most loyal fans…in front of some kids at a boys and girls club in a city that has no business having a boys and girls club…

– eating that (whatever causes stomach gremlins)…we’ve all been there…about 16 mins from home with mj and chris brown having a dance off in your tummy…one of them falls off stage and is trying to crowd dive into your trousers…while you cheek kegel and sweat in hopes of never meeting them face to face…speeding through them city streets all the while calculating how many steps there are between your car door and your porcelain recliner…rockstar lifestyle might don’t make it…for real…

– not wearing your “rain coat”…you use to laugh at the cats on maury povich…look at you know…here’s a tissue…

– going out on a weeknight…there’s almost no amount of good time that can make up for having to sit through a monday morning meeting dead silent because you’re afraid your coworkers are going to smell makers mark and good times on your breath…not to mention you’re still in holler mode which puts you in violation of pages 7, 13 and pretty much all of page 17 of the employee handbook…

now i don’t want to tell all of your stories for you…i’ll go ahead and let you share a few of your own bad ideas that somehow made it down good idea pipe…

elrock…funny blog swag…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

4 Responses to it’s all fun and games until…

  1. Cleo says:

    You pretty much summed it up… but you only count sex if both people have orgasms… otherwise it’s called ‘ex’ … :))

  2. Serena says:

    I’m gonna agree with Cleo on the dual orgasms clause. There’s always a loophole…

  3. dcb says:

    hilarious. but the correct caption for that picture is “dis pickel sux”

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