yeah my grass is green but…

“…now i’m in the club looking at other broads like I gave up home cooked meals for this ish…I gave up all them back rubs for this chick…”
– “too late for us” little brother

i’d like to take a moment to speak with those cats walking hand in hand with their lady friends through their green tinted pastures while continuously peering over at the patch of sod i currently call home…yes, i live the good life…i come and go as i please…i know a few ladies…some of them in a biblical sense…and when you see me and the homies in these streets, we are undoubtedly having more fun than you are…but when those club lights come on, them scales balance out a bit…this post is an open letter to those cats with good ladies by their sides…we love this single life we live, but there are a few downsides that you might want to consider before convincing yourself that my grass is greener than yours…

– you get rides to and from the airport and probably a little peck on the cheek as you grab your last bag…i get kicked in the shin by the 58 year old lady i’ve been fighting for elbow room with on the super shuttle…

– you don’t have to deal with any more of that awkward “i’m not going to show him all the tricks i have this first time” love wrestling…after you’ve spent 20 mins trying to assure her that nothing she does is gonna end up as material for your boys or your blog…your lady probably jumps in and does the absolute nastiest thing she knows to quickly put you to sleep so she can finish watching real housewives of wherever…

– you can always pick a fight to ensure that make up action will be in your immediate future…if i pick a fight on one of my dates i’ve just ensured that i’ll never get to play with her squishy…

– you can suggest a quiet evening at home with some rented movies and take out and be the movie night hero…i’m just the cheap lazy pervert who was trying to keep the date as close to the bedroom as possible…still struggling to see what’s wrong with that…

– barring anything too egregious, you can make mistakes…granted you’ll definitely hear about them…but you’ll probably hear about them over a warm meal that you didn’t have to pay for…while i will probably end up reading about mine in a fb status message later that night while the ink is still wet on that dinner receipt…

– i haven’t had a foot rub since 2001…

– if you ever fall and break your pelvis in the tub, you always have someone to rinse the soap out of your eyes and throw some boxers on you before the paramedics show up…it could happen…while i have to crawl to my cell phone like some vietnam pow…

yes my grass probably looks greener from over there, but that’s because i drop at least 3 $20 bills every time i leave the house…and that’s when i’m by myself…add a set of breast to the equation and you can pretty much guarantee i’m parting ways with benny franks…so the next time you’re thinking you might want to stop watering your grass properly to hang with us, just know that one of us might be on our way to her house with a water hose, a dvd and some chinese food…

ubf folks…i’m sure there are some more things that these boo’ed up cats might be missing…it’s time to educate…

elrock…i write like yes and you write like no…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

4 Responses to yeah my grass is green but…

  1. 05girl says:

    – i haven’t had a foot rub since 2001…

    lol. i sooo want a foot rub.

  2. Pingback: there is no i in team… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

  3. Pingback: what the sports world can teach us about breakups… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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