there is no i in team…

Now elrock tried to warn you guys about leaving your ladies for these greener pastures but I know you aren’t going to listen. So the following is a little advice for lacing them up and re-joining the single team.

As all you gents of ubf know, it takes a team to reach ultimate success in competition. Navigating the mean streets of hollaville is no exception. No matter how “short bus” your swag, he that goes solo generally goes home with the same number of individuals. #fact

Because of this, most of you are quick to roll out with your pic (partner-in-crime) as a wing man, when there is actually a more efficient game plan. Word? Yes word.

As with most things, this isn’t new information but it hasn’t been captured in a blog entry in the last twelve hours from my quick google search so I’m here to deliver the message.

Before we get started, ubf ladies don’t shoot the messenger. Instead take the message and treat it like sunblock…rub it all over your body and hope it keeps you from getting burned. You may even want to thank the messenger for protecting your body with your body gratitude…but I’ll let you make that call.

Similar to the Miami Heat, you need to put together a team of all stars or whatever you can afford under your salary cap of friends. That’s right. It is time to channel those inner Pat Rileys you all have. Slick hair and linen suits my friends.

Sidenote: Has there ever been a white guy that more grown-a$$ black men openly confess their love and admiration for than Pat Riley?? Next time I’m in south beach, I’m sharing a clink clank of the glasses with Mr. Riley. I digress…

The game plan: You need a starting five (PG, C, SF, PF, SG). You can “play” with less but your defense will suffer because of it and as history has proven…defense wins championships.

Point Guard (PG) – Similar to the court, he is responsible for starting the offense. He kicks off conversations with potential future-exes prospects. He’s familiar enough with the team’s preferences that he ensures all assists are on point for that specific guy. He must be unselfish and have the overall team’s success as his only motivating factor. A shoot-first PG will kill the team and result in a night ending around the Xbox for the rest of the team while gets his Wilt the Stilt on. Rajon Rondo is the ideal example as he keeps everyone involved and realizes his jumper isn’t good enough to carry the team so he is willing to pass early and often.

Center (C ) – He owns the paint or in most cases home base by the bar or bottles. He backs up the other players and protects the goal if a competitor gets past anyone…yes those pesky bottle rats. He doesn’t leave the paint often but when surrounded by the other team, he commands their attention through wit, charm, and/or most interesting man in the world-isms. The ideal model would be Dwight Howard as he owns the inside game, always plays to his strengths, and does it all while entertaining with a smile on his face.

Small Forward (SF) – He is the utility guy aka the glue of the team. He is responsible for picking up the slack in the team’s weak areas. For example, if the PG needs help starting the offense, he will get out there and grab assists for the team. The most ideal SF of all time is Scottie Pippen. He surprised the other team by being able to do it all on the court and always showing up in the clutch (With the exception of that Toni Kukoc last second shot ordeal during MJ’s retirement, but the committee (of one) can’t hold that one scenario against him).

Power Forward (PF) – The most overlooked and potentially most important position is the PF. He is the garbage man. He picks up all loose ends and does the grimey stuff to make sure the team can get the W. It (she) isn’t pretty but someone has to do it (her). Going back in time for the example here, but Otis Thorpe is the ideal PF. He never asked for the ball or too many chics shots but was there to jump on grenades loose balls when needed. For that, I salute you PF.

Shooting Guard (SG) – The shooting guard is the flashy guy. For the team’s sake, you hope he can back it up. He is only looking for his shot and most times he only cares about the girls stats he takes home. He can start the offense but most of the sets he runs end up with him taking the shot. While his selfishness can seem like an issue, his success can usually leads to spillage benefits for the rest of the team. Kobe Bryant is the prototype (made in the mold of MJ) of a great SG. He is one of the only guys that could go off for 81 but still have guys like Luke Walton, Jordan Farmer, and Josh Powell benefit from his game.

There is the game plan fellas. Information only becomes powerful when used so get your squad together and call next. And don’t forget to come back and report on how the strategy worked out for you.

While we are waiting…

Gents –  what position do you generally play in your crew?

Ladies – what position do you hope to be approached by?

I would apologize to those of you that were lost in the numerous sport analogies but knowing sports is like a big butt…it can’t hurt and might actually get you married some day.

onetrik…mr. it’s gametime…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

13 Responses to there is no i in team…

  1. SdotKikko says:

    Some analogies always hold true. I swore I wrote or discussed something very similar while in the midst of university. Where is my role at that 12th man-Greeter in the mold of Mateen Cleaves though?

  2. @kmhphenomenal says:

    What do you do when youve got @mattestory, @mike_craig and @SK_all_day on ur team? set screens and be happy to get a ring..

    • we’ll entertain this nonsense for a moment…as you can see from Addy’s comment below, she doesn’t want the ball hogs (@SK_All_Day) but instead someone that can hold her attention in the back back…

  3. addy says:

    I prefer the center, someone who grabs myu attention with communication and is not out trolling for numbers! Besides u can have alot more fun with a guy when he is posted up by the wall, more discreet ;)

    I never new a guys night out was so intricate!

    • did you hear that?? centers across the land just high-fived…

      • morningjoi says:

        Put your hands in the air and let ‘em stay there then, b/c I co-sign on the Center. That’s the dude I’m taking home with me tonight, er… eventually. Those conversation skills are hard to resist (although he might need to work on those dance floor skills).

        However, the Small Forward will give you all the info you need to know about the rest of the team, so it’s best to buddy up with him as soon as possible. If his energy is on point, I could settle in here. Careful though, don’t want him to “choose” you if that’s not your type.

        Shooting Guard – he’ll definitely help you get your shiggles on. Relax and be entertained. The less you buy into his plays, the more entertaining the night gets. Either that, or he’ll annoy the ish out of me & my girls, in which case it’ll be time to move on to a different squad.

  4. Gator says:

    Brilliant!
    Me and my guys assign football positions as well.

  5. Sinister says:

    creative analogies. i think the strategy is could be enhanced if you are trying to win a game versus a championship. but a game might be all your shooting for. all the players sound about right but i do not think the average or above average team of 5 guys have adequate practice time to have a shot at the playoffs. i would say get it down to three essentials like the C, SF and a combo of PF/SG. Side note: the SF sounds most appealing to me.

    • Interesting prompt…I’d say on a given night most teams are only focused on that game…

      You hit on the key differentiating factor which is practice time…certain groups have been doing it for enough years that the fine nuances of the strategy come to life with relatively little pre-coordination…yes we are that good…

      Your suggestion sounds like a 3 on 3 tourney vs. a full on game which actually makes a lot of sense…committee has taken notice…

      Thanks for showing the SF love to break up the C love-fest…still no love for the SG when he typically gets the love in real life…guess that is why they play the games…

  6. classic analogies but you can’t forget about the 6th man!! lol…depending on the team, the position will vary…but is essential to the teams success : )

  7. Pingback: and the role of the wing will be played by… « Us, Bottles, and Friends

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