he’s cool…

That is one answer you may get but most answers will fall on the spectrum between the polite “Excuse me” to the less polite (yet more accurate) “Get the f**k outta here” depending on a complicated formula that involves my blood alcohol level and probability of you and I sharing some sexy time.

If you hadn’t guessed, I’m doing it jeopardy style with today’s post. Can you figure out the question?

I’ll wait…tic tock tic tock…

Ok I know. You don’t have all day and aren’t very good at reading minds so I’ll give you the question.

“Do you think [insert guy] is cute/attractive/handsome/etc.?”

As you ladies have probably witnessed, guys don’t typically answer this with anything resembling the information you expected from Operation: Dummy Mission.

Why is this the case?

It just is. We are going to chalk this up to that good ole women don’t understand men and men don’t understand women.

I should be able to end with that but I’d hate to see a line outside of the (virtual) UBF offices requesting a refund (yes we charge people $1.99 for the iPad version and if you are getting it for free that means we like you better) on this post.

The popular conclusion many are quick to jump to is: guys are homophobic. False.

I didn’t even know how to spell homophobic until that sentence and it still may be incorrect as my spell checker was programmed by another man who doesn’t answer that question either…I digress.

It isn’t that I worry about my sexuality being questioned (I know how to answer that question if you know what I mean and if you don’t then give me a call) but more simply that my mind doesn’t actually compute when asked a question like that. It is similar to when you ask me, “Do you think we should stop for directions?” The male brain has these blind spots that can’t be explained by science but are systematically triggered by a certain sequence of words relayed in our direction.  Now you can’t say you didn’t know.

With that said, we at UBF don’t believe in getting ladies all worked up without giving you a proper ending solution. In an attempt to save you the time and energy needed to avoid the blind spots, you can ask one of these questions instead to yield similar results:

+ Would you trust [insert guy] with your girlfriend? Alone? At a candlelit dinner? In Paris?

+ Do you think your homegirl would be interested in [insert guy]?

What is the difference between these questions vs. the original?

Quite simply, the male brain is logical (assuming the right balance in the formula mentioned in the opening) and operates well with questions based on past data points. For our significant other or homegirl, we’ve seen the type of guy that they would like to “poke” (on facebook of course). Given that database of information, I can now compare [insert guy] against past entries and produce an answer to your question.

It goes something like this:

You: “Do you think your homegirl would be interested in [insert guy]?”

My brain: Pulling up homegirl’s past pokers.

Me: “Which one?” – buying time for brain.

You: “The one in the argyle sweater.”

My brain: Homegirl’s last boyfriend wore argyle.

Me: “I dunno. Probably.”

And there you have it.

Gents of UBF – what other questions fall into your blind spots?

Ladies of UBF – do you have similar blind spots in your beautiful brains?

onetrik…mr. unlocking science wonders…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

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