was that a date…

Over a plate of Jack N Jill’s mini blueberry muffins (these are no joke and should be murdered anytime you make it to LA), the question of what constitutes a date came up with a few of the homies.

The conversation started around the miscommunication of signs between suitors and suitees. After a few examples were discussed, I realized there isn’t really an agreed upon standard for when an encounter crosses over from casual meet-up to a full fledged date.

Being the maverick I am, I’ve developed a fail-proof system for whether or not it is a date or were you two just depositing carbon dioxide in the same vicinity.

For starters, this only applies to single people that are hanging out with other single people. All iterations of a committed person (I’ll leave it to you good people to determine if you are in a committed relationship…but we do know that isn’t your wife sir) will most likely not apply to any of this because committed people do weird things by the very nature of being committed (for example, date night…really you have to schedule a night to go out with your significant other like you would forget to do this in between all those trips to Home Depot and Bed, Bath, and Beyond??).

Secondly, I’m assuming the male in the situation has a job and therefore can afford a date. If not, then all bets are off and I hope the brother’s creative skills offset his lack of pay days.

With that out of the way, bring on the “that was a date” criteria:

+ The encounter started after 8am and prior to 11pm. This should be common sense but it seems that sense is anything but common these days. So let’s just go ahead and state that 11pm – 8am is guaranteed sexy time (maybe that’s just my house). While the date can dip into these hours, the larger portion should fall outside unless you normally bring a tooth brush and change of draws on all your dates.

+ Unless a free activity (such as museum, park, beach, etc.) was planned, the male should have spent more than $30 combined dollars. Not to say multiple ATM trips make a date, but surprisingly a rendezvous that involves a drive thru  and a meal ordered by a number doesn’t add up to much on the date measuring stick.

+ At some point, a door was opened for the female. Date in the male’s mind is an opportunity for the male to introduce his representative and impress the female with his gentlemanly ways. Meanwhile, hanging out is just that: two people happening to hang while being out which doesn’t involve or require his gentlemanly ways.

+ Unless the male lives at the movies, restaurant or an amusement park, stopping by his place is not a date. This in combination with the first point is a “no date” dynamic duo that seems to trip up quite a few of you. In the case that the male has prepared a meal in his place of residence, a date could have potentially been had but the other criteria should be taken into consideration (a hot pocket and ramen noodles doesn’t count).

And for extra credit, the 100%-certified ways to know it was a date:

+ The male picked the female up…in an automobile (the physical act of picking her up while impressive doesn’t offer much in this context). However, if the male is burning $3.00+/gallon worth of gas on a trip to and from and back to her place only to return back to his place, it was damn sure a date.

+ He offered his coat to prevent hypothermia on her part. He wants her to survive to make the next date moreso than looking at her nipples on this date.

+ Finally but probably the easiest sign is whether he actually uttered the words, “I’d like to take you to [insert place] on [insert day]. Are you available?” As opposed to, “We should hang out sometime,” followed by her reaching out to him to plan said hanging out. I know these can be confusing sometimes. Or not.

So there you have it kids. No more questions about whether or not you just went on a date.

Now go out and test my criteria and report back with any holes or exceptions so I can update the Wikipedia page.

onetrik…mr. date regulatory chairman…


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to was that a date…

  1. Tolu says:

    I co-sign!!!!!!! (i.e. unequivocal FSG stamp of approval)

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