the single friend…

That’s me. I’m THE single friend. It’s an equally rewarding and taxing role to play. Why you ask? Evidently all happily (and unhappily in some cases) boo’d folks in my life feel it is their responsibility to introduce me to my eventual boo’d mate. I’m beginning to think there is a reward for correcting my current state of living la vida uno (there is not unless mama onetrik is up to something).

Don’t get me wrong. I’m in no way complaining. I love the idea of meeting friends of friends as it has proven to be the most effective pre-screener for weeding out the crazies…most of the time. The filter is only as strong as the sanity of the person filtering. You know who you are.

There are a few side effects of roiling dolo in the company of duos I can do without. Such as:

+ My middle name is not single – While I have been called many things by friends and strangers, the worst way to introduce me is with a callout to my singleness. I’m pretty sure my attempts to touch her derriere will leave little doubt in my relationship status and more importantly my intentions.

+ The one-sided hook-up – It is nice that you tell me how great your friend is and how much I am going to love her and how we’ll have so much in common and how we were actually made for each other and how you can’t wait for the wedding and how our future kids will have to grow up together and how we’ll plan all of our vacations together. However, there is one integral piece to all of that happening: You might want to mention it to her as well. Otherwise, it will prove to be difficult to kick off our future lives together when she shows up with a date.

+ Love connection didn’t come on every night – There is a reason that love connection didn’t come on every night back in the day. Chuck Woolery didn’t have that many corny jokes and awesome 80s suits. Oh and the fact that love connections don’t (have to) happen every night. Each time we get together, you don’t have to be on the prowl for prey on my behalf. I’ll keep an eye out so your constant “Oh she’s cute” is either unnecessary (I saw her when she walked in 25 mins ago) or wrong (she in fact isn’t cute but instead the cutest girl here which is not the same thing).

+ And lastly but most infamous, the okie doke – If you just want me to show up at your event/party/function, then just be up front and tell me that. As long as my dvr is clear, clean underwear is available and gas is in the car, I’ll do my best to be in attendance. But the dangling of potential available women being there is just cruel…especially when you are lying. The worst part is I continue to fall for it (shame on me and you).

All of this to say, I’m still happy to play my role as your single friend and will continue to appreciate your attempts at changing my Facebook relationship status.

What about you? What are your favorite (and least favorite) things about being THE single friend?

onetrik…mr. boo’d up minus one…

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About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

One Response to the single friend…

  1. That Serial Dater: Rae says:

    OneTrik: Thanks for this post. Playing The Single friend amongst all of your hijacked (oops I mean boo’d up) friends can definitely be challenging at times. The random, let’s meet up for drinks and you walk into a firing squard of guys who want to get married as of last week is rarely fruitful, entertaining, yes, but helpful, NO. In times like this you realize that your friends have a loosely based idea of what you like in the opposite sex. Boo’d up friends will attempt to introduce you to friends of friends of friends who are good for you on paper but not easy on the eyes or lacking in personality. If you have savvier friends they will attempt to place your information on some random dating website (not even a mainstream one such as match.com) to help them find their new “couple friends” which include you and your future boo. Yes, they plan to marry you off asap in order to increase their couple friend ratio. If you think about it, the quicker you are married off the quicker they no longer have to feel guilty about no longer being single. I, for one enjoy my lifestyle and what it has to offer. If someone happens to come along and blindside me (oops i mean sweep me off my feet) then I’m all for it…until then, please leave me be. There are many many singles on this island called Manhattan, feel free to guilt them into couples submission.

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