the ugly duckling…

“I don’t have any ugly friends…”

Did you just say that to yourself? Unless your friends include Halle Berry, Zoe Saldana, Rashida Jones, Bridgett Kelly, and Zulay Henao (If so please introduce me as that is my fave five right now), you DO have an ugly friend. You may think your friends are the best friends ever (when they in fact aren’t because they are female). You may think they are a group of the most beautiful people you have ever met (meet more people). Your friends are beautiful on the inside which is all that matters (not until we figure out how to flip people inside out). You are probably saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it can be a shallow/superficial topic (you definitely have an ugly friend or it may be you).

Now that we got that out of the way, I don’t think there is anything wrong with having that one caterpillar that hasn’t quite become a butterfly in the crew. I agree that looks aren’t always everything (just days that end in “y”).  In the end, I think you should surround yourself with people you trust, love, and enjoy. BUT I do have a few issues with you having that “ruff ryder” in your crew. Actually it has less to do with her (or even how she looks) and more to do with your crew’s actions.

So let’s get to what you are doing wrong:

+ Why does your crew feel the need to clown every girl you see with that not quite right weave, when you let your homegirl come out the house in those pants/top/shoes/etc.? You know what article of clothing I am talking about. Those pants from college that should have been held back or that top that is like an old umbilical cord and hasn’t touched a belly button in a minute or those shoes that her toes go skydiving off of. Don’t you remember the old sayings, “The pot calling the kettle black” or “People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones” or “Thou with Brandy baby hair shall never find a husband” – Ok maybe I made the last one up but you get the point but you can’t openly diss other females when your crew isn’t quite up to par.

+ Why do you keep telling her that she’ll meet a guy just right for her? This is a lie. As long as she is rolling with you, she will never meet any guys. Well sorry she will meet guys but they will introduce themselves as “Who is your cute friend?” While we do have diverse tastes, I’m going to venture to say that no guys, when given the choice, prefer 4s to 8s (or 345 to 145 depending on the scale we are using). The reason she can’t find her guy has nothing to do with her and everything to do with yo stuntin, selfish self.

+ Why are you always asking me if I have a friend to hook her up with? All of my friends were there the first night we met your crew. They wouldn’t jump on the grenade that night and they definitely won’t join the battle today. Might I suggest working on a time machine to go back to the day you became friends and staying home from school or stop asking that dumb question.

+ Why do you keep enabling her supposed pretty girl image? Do you really need to “like” and comment “Girl you look so beautiful in this pic” on all of her Facebook profile pictures? Her cute profile pic percentage is no where near that high. This is like a bad episode of Intervention where you brought a liter bottle of liquor and two red solo cups to the meeting. Stop the pain now.

If you are thinking that none of this applies to you (and your crew), then you may want to find a new group of friends because you are the ugly duckling. I’m just playing. I love ducks.

onetrik….mr. looking out for ducks…


About usbottlesandfriends
The tales of unpredictable truths from those guys your mom warned you about.

2 Responses to the ugly duckling…

  1. TT says:

    LOL!!!!! Matt, Matt, Matt…this reminded me of the few conversations where you broke the news to me that I didn’t have cute friends (which I still totally disagree with). I literally would lol if I weren’t at work.

    The funny thing is, I’m one of the ruff ryder’s in my crew….well we don’t really crew it up anymore, but once upon a time….and I know I don’t quack! :)

  2. B says:

    LMAO @ “The reason she can’t find her guy has nothing to do with her and everything to do with yo stuntin, selfish self.” I mean we could have been just trying to play wingman or throw her some leftovers…who knew it was selfish!

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